Why didn’t I post yesterday on the pointless nature of arbitrary idiotic holidays? Well, actually I forgot.
I’m a cynic. So it’s reasonably predictable that I think Valentine’s Day is a crock of shit. To anyone who enjoys it, fair enough, you go ahead, but I can’t, so the next person who tells me I need to relax and appreciate the day thats in it can just go have an anal bleaching, my treat. Relax with a stinging pink asshole, fuckheads.
Why do I feel that this holiday is bullshit? The obvious reply is the complete made-upness of the whole thing. It has no basis in anything but the retail industry. But the real problem isn’t that its arbitrary. Its that it is the most predictable, boring, entirely unromantic holiday known to man.
If someone spontaneously gave me a rose one day, I would be deeply impressed, and highly complimented, and would very much appreciate the gesture. But any gift given on Valentine’s day can never be a surprise, and can almost never be original. It’s all been done kids. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
I have had great Valentine’s day presents, I’m not bitter from a lifetime of secret unfulfilled desires for hearts and flowers on February 14th. The first couple of real boyfriends that I had during any Valentine’s Day performed admirably, I have to admit. But it irks me to realise that those gifts would have been better if they’d been given at any other time. Their thoughtfulness was partly wasted because of the banal nature of the day. Not to mention that attempting to go anywhere on said day is about as romantic as a supermarket queue. Except that it involves a lot more standing around and waiting, after which you finally get seated, order from a set menu, and receive slightly overcooked, not so great food, which you then pay a fortune for. Stunning.
In my last relationship we ignored it completely, which I found I was entirely happy with. Of course, this would have happened by default whether I had wanted to or not I think, because there is very little hope that he would have ever actually remembered that the 14th Feb had any cultural significance, and I realised yesterday that I find it quite difficult to recall myself. I find it a non-event, and I’m happy to do so. I spent yesterday evening sipping champagne in the Tate Modern, with two good friends, and having a wonderful time. Its probably the best 14th Feb I’ve ever actually had.
I think the point here is spontaneity. Or maybe just lack of obligation. If I think someone has given me a present because they have felt obliged to, I will be totally incapable of treating it as a romantic gesture. I’ll still appreciate the gift itself, but it will not mean the same as something given because they actually wanted to give it to me. It was pointed out to me recently that men do not give sudden surprise presents for no reason. However, that’s a load of horse-shit. The best presents I have ever gotten have been surprises, with no motive but wanting me to have them.
Maybe you can’t be a cynic and a romantic at the same time, I have been told I was both at various stages. I suppose if I were to choose a way to be treated I’d go for as a cynic every time. But somewhere I have some sort of romance in my soul, much to my chagrin. And that, not the cynic, is the part of me that fucking hates Valentine’s Day.
February 15th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
Note to Dianes Mother. Please do not feel obliged to give any birthday gifts to Diane henceforth.
February 15th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
She has never been obliged to give me any :) If its obligatory it isn’t a present in my opinion.
February 15th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
There’s no obligation to give a partner a gift on valentine’s day. Although I hear New Labour are thinking of introducing a law on the matter.
February 15th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
I can confirm that I’ve never felt obliged to give Diane presents. Threatened, frightened, scared even but never obliged!
On Diane’s birthday I give myself gifts. I did the giving birth bit. What did she do that day to deserve a present in remembrance?
I jest. best thing I ever did. I give Diane gifts at all and any time because I want to.
February 16th, 2006 at 9:30 am
Awww… I cite the above as proof of the wonderfulness and infinite patience of my mother :)
to Seamie: I think it can safely be said that the vast majority of people feel obliged to give their significant other a gift on Valentine’s Day. Generally due to the fear of possible consequences of not doing so. If you genuinely wish to give someone a gift, what does the day matter? In any case, if you like Valentine’s day, and don’t think its fake, shallow, or contrived, then enjoy it. The post is about why I don’t.
February 16th, 2006 at 9:40 am
That’s awful language to allow your poor mother (not to mind me) read of a morning.
Diane (artemis) - some facts - NO ONE gives presents for no reason. In fact, no one does anything for no reason. Reasons for getting presents out of the blue:
- Guilt (he’s been tapping your mate)
- Deprevation (he wants to get into your knickers - sorry mammy)
- Fear (he’s just totally scared of you).
When are you coming back - just for some beverages????
I got presents last night (the day after V’Day) - was that spontinaity or fear????
February 16th, 2006 at 9:57 am
I have both given and received presents with no motive or prompting, so no dice Ruth :) In your case though, I imagine it was fear of imminent sarcasm.
February 17th, 2006 at 10:48 am
I reckon it was FEAR…..
I still believe you gave those presents in the hope of getting some Good Lovin’
February 17th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Absolutely not. The good lovin’ flowed freely before Diane knew what presents were. Now you can counter by saying that the presents were payback for the 22 1/2 years of good lovin’ and my response will be that good lovin’ is priceless- no present in the world could or should act as payback!
February 17th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
p.s. now you get some idea of where Diane may have inherited some of her opinionatedness(I don’t care if that’s not a perfectly cromulent word- it suits my purpose) and contrariness (others’ description not mine)
February 17th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Hahahaha… Mom, I think you may have misinterpreted Earhart’s argument slightly. I believe she was referring to good lovin of the boyfriend variety. This may not have been quite so evident to someone without a personal acquaintance with earhart :)
You are both opinionated and contrary, and both traits are genetic :)
February 17th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Wow - a Mammy who can quote Simpsons…
February 18th, 2006 at 2:00 am
Apologies Earhart. How could I not quote the Simpsons? They are the muse, the bible according to Homer, and the response to every family discussion about anything when Diane lived at home, Such wisdom. “turn it to cold Marge” And ” Marge, they’re just hams” De Profundis.
Just back from the pub. Night out with all of the other psychology heads,
Had 4 wines! That’s 3 more than my quota. and I can still see the keyboard. Love you Dianex
February 20th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Unfortunately Diane is correct, I was referring to “Good Lovin’” of the ass spanking kind, and not of the motherly love kind. Again, you may need to be aquainted with me to know that.
The Simpsons RULE!!!!!
Davisc - mammy’s are people too…
February 20th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
Can I edit that last post?
*mammies
February 20th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
We are? Good grief it is so long since I felt like, was as addressed as or looked upon as a people that I’d almost forgotten that I was one. Thank you.