London Calling…

The following things suck so deeply, that I may not be capable of putting them in words.

Bebo
MySpace
OKCupid
Orkut

Why? Because they are all “networking� websites. The sole purpose of which is to make new acquaintances via the medium of that sprawling tentacled monstrosity we lovingly call the web. What on earth could be wrong with making new acquaintances through old friends, one might innocently inquire?

Well, first off, and trust me I’m warming up, its because an astounding number of the people who attempt to contact you through these sites invariably end up being people who do not, in fact, speak English. Now, I have no problem with people not speaking English. There exist approximately 6 million languages of which I myself am outrageously ignorant. However, I do not leave comments in English on people’s fucking Portuguese homepages, so I completely fail to understand why a host of morons expect me to read their ranting in a language I don’t speak, and then add them to my “friends list� or whatever the fuck it might be called.

Furthermore, like so many things on the internet, they are extremely easy for even the most retarded of individuals to grasp. This makes them a compelling imbecile magnet, so that anyone who might actually have been using the site for its originally intended purpose is very quickly tired of being constantly bombarded by huge waves of idiocy. (Yes, much like sound, idiocy travels in waves. Sometimes you can actually see them emanating from the people wearing both baseball caps and hoodies simultaneously)

Then of course, they sweep the net in a massive on-going fad that grabs an entire generations worth (generation in internet terms meaning “about 6 months�) of users. If any more than 3 of these users is of your personal acquaintance then suddenly this new annoying piece of shit website suddenly becomes the only means through which they can be contacted, forcing you to set up an account there purely to keep in contact, or be complained at for your discernment between a useful networking tool, and a pile of utter tripe.

Sometimes I really wish certain concepts were tangible enough to be firebombed.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 9th, 2006 at 2:17 pm and is filed under Rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.