People, in large part, piss me off. In huge crowds they are mindless, in small groups they are scared of themselves, or each other, or shocked by anything that steps outside the expected. Individually they are occasionally tolerable, but all too often their behaviour and personality are gratuitous, unoriginal, and dull.
This does not mean I toil through life, miserable and in search of someone who understands me.
Everyone wants to be understood. Personally, I’d limit that a bit. I want to be understood by someone worthwhile. Imagine being understood by someone you don’t like or respect. How slimy and demeaning. To think that your personal thoughts and impulses are easily guessed by someone stupid, or petty. That your mind is not your own, or if it is, then that doesn’t make it private, sacrosanct, or complex enough to confuse an idiot you wouldn’t interact with in a pub.
I don’t like very many people. So fucking what? It doesn’t mean I’m a bitter, angry little girl who can’t reconcile her own deficiencies. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Sure I rant about things that annoy me, or that I disagree with, but take it as a basic premise to everything I say when I tell you that I love life, mine in particular. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t care about the things that are wrong with it sometimes.
There are people I do like. Significant in number, but not percentage. It would be an insult to them if I also went around liking people who weren’t worth it. I don’t disregard people because I have a shitty sense of self-worth, that sort of thinking is for people who watch too much Dr Phil. I disregard people because I believe my friendship and esteem are worth something, and I won’t give them out for no good reason.
So here’s the story. I don’t pretend to like anyone, ever. If you meet me, you start at zero – complete indifference. I don’t do politeness if it facilitates lying, I don’t like being lied to either, which includes exaggerated or nonsensical compliments, or any other form of bullshit. And I do. Not. Care. Whether you like me. Or not.