Trapped 2006 July 2 21:51Posted by diamond in : Health , 2 comments
I haven’t been sleeping properly (yes, more than usual) for about a month. One of the weirder properties of the medication i’m on is that if i don’t get a full night’s sleep the side-effects begin to increase. One of the main effects is to impair rational thought and awareness. The weekend before last i drove to dublin and back. On friday, i drove to galway. I went up to visit maeve and celebrate my birthday. After arriving, i realised that driving had been a mistake. I was far too heavily medicated to be safe on the roads.
The main problem that interstitial cystitis causes me is that i wake up frequently during the night, on an average night say twice in the first 6 hours, and maybe 1-2 times per hour thereafter (this is with the medication btw. The only times i’ve not taken the meds in the last year i’ve gotten 1 hour max sleep). This is workable provided i immediately get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, that’s really really difficult. I’m barely awake, and heavily medicated. If i don’t, i’ll doze off into a light fitfull sleep for hours, which is worse than useless. It took many months to get to the stage where i could get myself out of bed consistently, and even here in my own room it’s touch-and-go. As i realised this weekend, being in a different place breaks the routine, tips the balance in the other direction.
For the last year whenever i’ve visited people i’ve always driven there and back in the same day. I’ve done multiple trips to cork, dublin, galway and athlone this way, usually arriving up early evening and leaving around 11. It suited me because i’d get to sleep at home and not have to stress about not sleeping, and the roads are beautifully quiet at that time.
This weekend is the first time that i can remember in a long time that i’ve stayed anywhere other than limerick or my parent’s house. I hadn’t slept well on thursday night as i had the google interview at 10:30 on friday (which went really well btw), and i had cut back slightly on the meds (from 60mg to 50mg) so as to be somewhat coherent. Unfortunately this meant that i woke up at 6am in distinct discomfort and was unable to sleep again. When i got to bed on friday night, i read for about an hour before i finally just passed out. I woke up 7 hours later, exhausted, with the light still on. I then dozed fitfully for a few hours before having to give up. I had been hoping to catch up on sleep to try and reduce how medicated i had felt all friday. I was hoping that i’d be up to driving again.
Saturday was hell.
I felt worse. Barely able to walk in a straight line. Drowsy, dizzy, confused, and utterly depressed. I realised that i still couldn’t drive. I realised that i wasn’t going to sleep well that night. I realised that i wouldn’t be able to drive home on sunday. I realised how much i wanted to be at home where i could at least sleep better, and how utterly terrified i am of my dependance on it. If i can’t sleep anywhere but home, and i can’t drive myself home, that removes my ability to visit friends. It leaves me trapped.
Mark and Tony came up to galway today, took me out for a meal, and then drove my car back to their place in roscrea where they have told me that it can stay for as long as needed. Guys, thank you so much.
I’m hoping that the situation changes, and that i can start catching up on sleep again. If things aren’t improving in a week i’ll be going to my gp to see if there’s anything else i can explore. In the meantime, there’s not an awful lot i can other than wait and see.