Archive for June, 2006

So what if I don’t like people? Maybe they’re shit

People, in large part, piss me off. In huge crowds they are mindless, in small groups they are scared of themselves, or each other, or shocked by anything that steps outside the expected. Individually they are occasionally tolerable, but all too often their behaviour and personality are gratuitous, unoriginal, and dull.

This does not mean I toil through life, miserable and in search of someone who understands me.

Everyone wants to be understood. Personally, I’d limit that a bit. I want to be understood by someone worthwhile. Imagine being understood by someone you don’t like or respect. How slimy and demeaning. To think that your personal thoughts and impulses are easily guessed by someone stupid, or petty. That your mind is not your own, or if it is, then that doesn’t make it private, sacrosanct, or complex enough to confuse an idiot you wouldn’t interact with in a pub.

I don’t like very many people. So fucking what? It doesn’t mean I’m a bitter, angry little girl who can’t reconcile her own deficiencies. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Sure I rant about things that annoy me, or that I disagree with, but take it as a basic premise to everything I say when I tell you that I love life, mine in particular. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t care about the things that are wrong with it sometimes.

There are people I do like. Significant in number, but not percentage. It would be an insult to them if I also went around liking people who weren’t worth it. I don’t disregard people because I have a shitty sense of self-worth, that sort of thinking is for people who watch too much Dr Phil. I disregard people because I believe my friendship and esteem are worth something, and I won’t give them out for no good reason.

So here’s the story. I don’t pretend to like anyone, ever. If you meet me, you start at zero – complete indifference. I don’t do politeness if it facilitates lying, I don’t like being lied to either, which includes exaggerated or nonsensical compliments, or any other form of bullshit. And I do. Not. Care. Whether you like me. Or not.

A lack of blogging is not indicative of my death

Rather, it generally tends to be indicative of having a life. Though really that is probably a gross exaggeration. I work too much to have a life. But yes, to anyone who expressed an interest, I am in fact still alive, and have not yet been killed and/or eaten by anyone. Go me.

Recent discoveries include the fact that surfing is fun, that I have no upper body strength left, and that I am temporarily bored of alcohol. So I have decided to try surfing again at some point, start weight training, and give up drinking for a few weeks and see how it goes.

……

I wrote this 4 weeks ago, and had no time to post it. So far, I have been off alcohol for a month, training every couple of days, and fit into my old trousers. And I may actually have some muscles again. More on this when I can be arsed writing it. Also, I have now paid for my holidays, my credit card bill, and have no discernible debt. Just glowing dollar signs in my eyes. I need some contact lenses.