Archive for March, 2007

Do I look as if I would sell myself for New Rocks?

Actually, no-one is to answer that question. Except perhaps for the complete twat in the shoe shop in Camden who tried to sell me the aforementioned pair of shoes, or, more accurately, tried to buy me with said shoes.

In fact they were some pretty impressive boots. They had metal bits, laces, zips, heels, flames. They were incredibly comfortable, and easy to walk in despite adding 3 inches to my height. In fact, they are probably the best pair of boots I have ever attempted to purchase. But shockingly enough, they were still not worth whoring myself to some random shoe salesman. I am Dave’s blatant astonishment.

Should any would-be shoe-salespeople be reading this, however unlikely that may be, here are some useful tips which will help you sail through your coming employment-

  • If someone wants to try on shoes, do not insist on personally fitting them on if they are quite clearly willing to do it themselves.
  • Telling them they have beautiful eyes, while it has the potential to be charming, is nevertheless not pertinent to the sale of shoes.
  • Asking someone you have just met out for a drink is both courageous and flattering, unless of course you simultaneously imply that there will be material gain associated, in which case you are in fact calling them a whore
  • Refusing to disclose the price of a pair of shoes except in terms of a date with someone clearly not interested in you is not a lucrative sales tactic.

In summary, this general sleaziness led to me going next door and purchasing the shoes from someone who wasn’t oozing slime from every pore. Though at that point I was probably visibly angry enough to ensure a lack of any unwanted attention.

I am impressed by people with the confidence to ask a stranger out just because they, for example, like their eyes. Unfortunately I think this an incredibly stupid basis for being attracted to anyone, and would refuse on principle, even if they were Johnny Depp’s better-looking younger brother. Not that I am regularly hit on by stunningly beautiful people or anything. Essentially though, I see nothing wrong with it, as long as you take rejection well then good luck to you.

The catch is that you have to actually _take_ said rejection when it is given. Sometimes, “no” means “please go anally violate yourself, you disgusting fuck”.

Pointless memes are worse than chain letters

Because you actually feel tempted to participate sometimes. I was tagged by someone to do something stupid, ie. to list five things people don’t know about me, and then tag 5 other people. In the spirit of general participation and momentary boredom, I’ll list 5 things, but I refuse to tag anyone. For future reference, very few things piss me off quite as much as unsolicited chain emails, but on the theory that I had to in fact read his blog to discover I was tagged, I will refrain from ranting about this one.

  1. I have played Goldilocks 3 times, in various plays during my childhood. It is one of the reasons I dye my hair red.
  2. I am allergic to most kinds of fabric softener, the majority of skin products, many types of make-up, and bubblebath.
  3. I have an irrationally severe aversion to double-decker buses.
  4. It makes me retch when people play with their chewing gum, I find it extremely physically disgusting.
  5. I cannot get into an unmade bed. I will make the bed, and then get in immediately afterwards. I also find it irritating to be in a room with an unmade bed for long periods of time, and will actually ask if I can make someone’s bed if I am in the situation.

So there you go, amazing insight into my psyche, or random load of irrelevant crap? You decide! Because I certainly won’t be venturing an opinion.